Any day now until our second little man makes his grand entrance into the world and there are so many things that are exciting and scary about this new addition.
Baby number 1 ROCKED my world. He was and is the absolute best thing that ever could have happened to it, but it took a while to even start to feel like I might have this mom thing under control.
I think in some way we all are born with some sort of maternal instinct. It’s just there. Give any woman a baby and she’ll figure out what to do, it’s in us. But, I do think that some women have a little more of that natural mothering ability. Maybe not even ability, just that it comes a little more naturally to them. My mom is one of those. She raised four kids and even though she only sees Elijah a few times a year, there’s not much adjustment each time. She just has it. Me, not so much. I have had to WORK at this thing. Four kids would probably kill me. Hence why we’re having 2. Yes, 2. Not trying for a girl after this, so don’t ask. I am so excited to be a boy mom to 2 little boys.
Labor – This falls under the excitement and fear categories. I’m the crazy person excited for labor. With Elijah, we took Hypnobirthing classes, read the book, practiced, etc. and then I was induced. We had no doula (because we were experts, duh) and it all went out the window. Anyway, 40 something hours, an epidural, a vaccum, and a tear later I realized I am in no way an expert. Still a mom with a healthy baby, but not a labor expert. This time, I’ve just skimmed the books and worked on relaxing a bit. I feel SO much more relaxed about the whole thing, and I am so excited to hopefully just experience labor and childbirth minus the drugs.
Breastfeeding – Huge fear this time. It was so unbelieveably difficult with Elijah and it left me permanently damaged, so I’m really not sure if I will be able to at all this time. It’s something that I am okay with as I really never felt like breastfeeding was that bond that everyone says it is. None the less, I would like to provide that same nutrition to this baby, but I have an okay feeling about it not happening. I would rather enjoy my little boy, than make sure I breastfeed.
Having 2 babies to love and take care of. This is a huge fear and excitement for me. As much as I know I will love this little baby so so much, it is a huge worry for me to have to balance that love with the love I have for Elijah. I have no idea how I will be able to balance the two and I don’t want to miss out on either baby. Everyone says your heart just grows bigger to make room for the second one, so we will see.
How Elijah will handle the new baby. Lately Elijah has been so clingy to us. He has had a hard time going to daycare and going to our nanny who he usually loves. This may just be a two year old thing, but I kind of feel like he knows what’s coming. He also usually loves to listen to baby at my checkups, but this last one, he wanted nothing to do with the room until the end when he wanted to listen for just a second. On top of this we’re dealing with terrible twos tantrums and him throwing stuff at us and the dog.
We are so close to having double trouble around our house, it’s so surreal. A little motherhood confession and dose of reality to close this out – The other day I went in for acupuncture for labor induction. My midwives suggested starting a little early since Elijah was so late. The acupuncturist explained that he had very high rates of success and normally only needed one session with second time moms. It was Halloween and I was still feeling a little under the weather with my cold so I chickened out and just had acupuncture done for my cold. I didn’t want a Halloween or even November 1st birthday, and I was not ready yet at home. But it really got me thinking. You are really never ready for a baby. Whether it’s number 1 or number 5, whether you have the perfect timing or the worst, you are never ready. But it always works. And it’s always the best thing that could ever happen.
Pregnancy, childbirth, and babies are true magic, and to really experience magic, you have to let go and just live and believe that it will all work.